seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
