I wish I could teleport
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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