hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
