I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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