Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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