How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
