On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
