im drinking this country out of the recession.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
