Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am naked and annoyed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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