yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
