just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
