you win again, gameday.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
