I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
