Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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