Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dick very happy bro
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