FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
