Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
