party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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