You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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