I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
