I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
