Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
