dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
