im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
