she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
