so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
