Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
