Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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