70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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