Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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