So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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