I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
