Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
