No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
