just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
