I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
