...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sarcasm needs its own font
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
