Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
