if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
