that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
