my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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