is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
