I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
