Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
