i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize