One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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