I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
