i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
