I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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