I CAN MOONWALK!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
