I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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