I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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