Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
