is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The air taste purple.
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