I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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