May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
