my sisters under your porch take her home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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