4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
