everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
