I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
