Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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