You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
