Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
