Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
