i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
