just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This baby is an asshole
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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