I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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