anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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