and i looked up. we had an audience...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
